Yoda's Diary
by Yoda
Dear Diary,
Difficult this day was. I know not how to say this. Ashamed am I in the extreme. Face life I cannot. Started it did in this way...
**engage Syntax Correction Program**
It was a normal night at the Grey Side. I was hanging out, enjoying the music and my drink... I don't remember what it was, but it had one of those little umbrellas in it. The music was pounding, and my thoughts were turning to hot biker dudes in leather. But alas, none were visible. Then a waitbeing intruded, bearing a glass with a fizzy purple concoction.
"For you, sir. You have an admirer."
"Who is it?" I craned my neck about, looking for a likely leather-clad figure. No such luck.
"Drink it first, then all shall be made clear."
I shrugged, then swallowed the drink. As I drained the glass, I saw the distinctive striped face of Palpatine's rather odd ward peering at me through the gloom. Then the drink caused an explosion inside me, and I was overwhelmed with lust. I recall seeing a figure clad all in shiny black leather rise from the bar and approach me. Then all coherent thoughts vanished, leaving only lust and hormones. The night passed too swiftly, engaged in various erotic pursuits, leaving me thoroughly drained and sated. I woke up this morning still feeling the pleasant afterglow, until I looked upon my partner and saw...
... a woman.
A very real, very feminine woman.
In my bed.
Smiling at me.
"You were... wonderful," she said caressingly, reaching a hand up to stroke my face. I shrieked in sheer primal terror and used the Force to fly across the room. I frantically searched for my robe, as the woman smiled in obvious appreciation of my large saber.
"No! No! Look you not on me, shameless hussy!"
"Oh, yes... I love it when you talk dirty to me." She got up and approached me, but I was too quick for her. I found my robe at last and shot forth from my room, slamming the door in her face. I did not pause until I reached the safety of the Jedi Temple.
Safe at last behind those massive doors, I leaned against the wall and tried to catch my breath. The unimaginable horror of what I had done threatened to consume me.
"Master Yoda! Is there a problem?" Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi stood over me, an expression of concern on his face.
"No... no problem, just... I had a rather difficult night."
A glint of humor showed in the Padawan's eyes. "I imagine so, Master. Anyone who can take the Grey Side by storm as you did is bound to feel it the next day." He turned and walked away, leaving me with jaw hanging.
"Obi-Wan! Wait! What do you mean?" But it was too late, he had already gone. What had I done last night?
Extreme concentration produced hazy memories of dancing... with women. Singing... with women. Overwhelming lust... for women. And through it all, the memory of Palpatine's ward laughing at me.
Noooooooo!!!!!!
**Syntax Correction Program Disengaged**
The End it is
(7/12/00)