Shit.

Oh, shit.

Apollo caught his breath and froze when the significance of that thought worked its way through to the surface of his mind. Wait a minute... did I really just think that?

He snuck a look at Starbuck, wanting to see if the thought would repeat itself. The other pilot was laughing, drink in one hand and the other around Cassie's shoulders. It happened again- jealousy stabbed clear through the Captain. Jealous! Why am I jealous of Cassie?

Shit.

"Excuse me," he said abruptly, rising from the table. "I have to go now. I have a... thing." Hee turned and left, ignoring Starbuck's look of surprise. He stopped at the bar long enough to snag a bottle of ambrosa- something told him he might need it tonight.

He reached his quarters without difficulty. No one saw him as he hurried through the deserted corridors- they were all too busy celebrating the last great defeat of the Cylons, a secton ago. Not the final defeat, of course, but a seriously crippling blow- they'd taken out one of the Cylon homeworlds. Starbuck had played a prominent role in the battle, as usual- and there was the root of his problem. Apollo cracked the seal on the ambrosa and collapsed into the comforting embrace of his battered old armchair. He had a long pull directly from the bottle and took a moment to appreciate the smooth flavor.

"All right, quit trying to avoid the problem," he said aloud, a habit of long solitude. Over the last several yahrens, he'd become even more alone than usual. Since the loss of his son in the microbial plague from Sarros III, he'd withdrawn from nearly all human contact. All, that is, except Starbuck... he was always there, always keeping his Captain from succumbing to despair. But now, it looked like he was turning back to Cassie...

Hellfires. He had another long drink, then shook his head and sat the bottle carefully on the end table. Drink wasn't really the answer to his problem.

Okay, look at this logically. What, exactly, is the problem? Starbuck. Of course. Everything always came down to Starbuck. But what about him? Was it the fact that he was going back to Cassie? After all, she was a lovely and caring lady. Why shouldn't he want to spend time with her? But the way he was looking at her... ouch.

Yes, there it was again- the pain, stabbing through his very guts. Shit. "What the hell... am I attracted to Starbuck?" He started to laugh, then grabbed the bottle again when the answer to his question presented itself.

Shit.

Apollo tried to look at it objectively. Okay, Starbuck was damn good looking- everyone agreed on that, whether or not they liked him as a person. Okay. I can deal with that. The blond hair, the laughing blue eyes... the way he could look so adorable without even making an effort- all was a part of the essential Starbuck charm. Then there was the other thing- the other side of Starbuck, that so few people ever saw- the side that perhaps only Apollo really knew. Starbuck had a well-hidden appreciation of literature and the arts. Apollo smiled fondly at the memory of when he'd first caught Starbuck with a paper book. Starbuck? What are you doing? he'd asked. Starbuck had smiled a guilty little smile. Nuffin, he'd replied, with little boy innocence.

Alright, you- quit avoiding the issue. Do you, or don't you find the Lieutenant attractive?

Another memory presented itself- just last secton, Starbuck looking altogether too poetic in black with silver trim, smiling at him over dinner at the Starlight Lounge, with that famous clear roof providing a fabulous starry backdrop for his hair, gleaming softly in the indirect lighting which made him look twenty yahrens younger.

Apollo smiled. He returned the bottle to the table, this time replacing the stopper firmly. Okay, so there was his answer- he found the Lieutenant very attractive.

"So what am I going to do about this?" He ran a hand through his hair. This was a fairly abstract subject for him. Sure, he knew that men sometimes had sexual relationships with other men, but he'd always been guided by his father's views on the subject. He'd never even considered that he might be one of the "aberrant souls" himself.

An idea struck him. Perhaps if he went online, into the main data banks... he knew there was a thriving alternative lifestyle community on the fleet BBS. Perhaps he could find some advice there.

 


Centares later, Apollo was still hunched over his keyboard, staring in fascinated wonder at the endless streams of green words across his screen.

 

Rimming- (also called "analingus") is another way to explore the rear ends - it's licking, tonguing, and sucking the anus. This might seem like a strange thing to do, because asses are supposed to be dirty and bad. Actually, they're not. Although it's possible to catch v.d. or hepatitis from an infected person, fears of rimming are mainly esthetic, that is, related to smell, taste, and personal preference. As with postillioning and anal intercourse, you can always douche beforehand, eliminating any odors and being of utmost cleanliness. It's because the anus-opening is so delicately sensitive, and the lips and tongue so warmly expressive, that rimming is enjoyed by many people.

Apollo's eyes widened. Now that was something he'd never even remotely considered... but it sounded interesting. So delicately sensitive, huh? He rather liked the image of the lips and tongue being so "warmly expressive." Starbuck's certainly looked expressive. This time, he didn't even resist the warm thrill that thought brought. Sometime a few centares ago he'd come to terms with the idea that nothing was wrong with being attracted to a man, after reading several posts in a BBS thread reassuring someone else who was just discovering his own sexuality. He read on.

 

So you want to know how to do it? Here it is: you kneel on your elbows and knees, and relax you ass such that your body wants to take in your friend's erect penis. He kneels directly behind your rear end, facing your way. He bends over you, guiding his lubricated penis to your anus-opening, and then gently pushes it inside as you draw it in. Then he causes his penis to slide up and down inside by thrusting his hips back and forth, while you keep still or rotate your hips in a side-to-side motion.

Okay, that sounded straightforward enough... probably would even be a pleasant experience. Hmm...

He read on, learning details of sexual techniques he'd never even imagined.

"What are you up to, Pol?"

Starbuck's voice, utterly unexpected, caused him to jump nearly straight up in the air. He came down facing Starbuck, instinctively spreading his arms in an attempt to cover the computer screen, heart pounding in his throat.

"Just... just reading," he panted, feeling the adrenaline rush cause a major case of the shakes. "What the frack are you doing in here?"

"Got worried, old friend," Starbuck said with a smile. Apollo took a deep breath and consciously tried to relax. "You don't often just disappear like that."

"Uh... Starbuck, that was centares ago."

"Yeah, it was." Starbuck nodded. "And it was long enough for me to remember why I broke up with Cassie in the first place, and long enough for me to lose last secton's pay at the tables, and long enough for me to give up on wondering what the hell you were up to and decide to come find out."

"And what would you have done if I'd been in bed, hmm?" His efforts were working. Apollo was relaxing. He leaned casually against his desk, blocking most of the light from the screen, which was the only source of light in the room. Not incidentally, this also blocked the contents of the screen from casual view.

"Probably woulda woke you up to find out why you ran like a scared cadet earlier." There was a flash of teeth in the dim light. Apollo chuckled.

"You probably would do that, too. But I just- well, I'd had enough of company, okay?"

"I suppose." Starbuck folded his arms and leaned against the wall.

"So- tell me, why was it you broke up with Cassie before? You mentioned rediscovering the fact..."

"Did I?" Starbuck grinned again. "I guess I did. Well, truth be told, she's not nearly as good company as you are."

Apollo's heart, guts, and entire nervous system did a backflip. "Really, now..."

"Yes, really now. But that's not why I came over here tonight- or maybe it is, I'm not sure. I really was curious about what you were up to."

Dammit man, you're a fracking adult and you're old enough to say this without being terrified and if he gets grossed out oh well it's not like you were propositioning him or anything like that-

"I was reading," he said, voice a little strained. Moving aside from the computer screen was one of the hardest things he'd done in his entire life. He returned to his seat, rolling it back in front of the computer from where it had skittered to when he'd left it so precipitously. He swallowed repeatedly as Starbuck moved to read over his shoulder, trying to moisten his dry throat.

"Why, Apollo, you surprise me," Starbuck's voice said softly, nearly in his ear.

"How so?" He hoped the pounding of his heart wasn't audible.

"You're probably the last person I would ever have expected to find reading the premier how-to guide on anal intercourse."

"Yeah, well- maybe I got curious." Apollo leaned back, looking up at an awkward angle to see Starbuck's face in the green glow.

Starbuck flashed him a quick grin, then knelt down in front of the computer, reading. "So... did you like what you saw here?"

Apollo swallowed again. Damn nerves were making his body react like a fracking teenager. "And what if I did?"

A low chuckle. "Then check this out..." and Starbuck took over the keyboard, scrolling down through large chunks of text until he reached the section he was looking for: Fellatio. Apollo leaned forward to read, glad for the dim light so his friend couldn't see his blushes. By all the Lords... never met a woman that was even close to this inventive...

Somehow, Apollo didn't feel terribly uncomfortable, despite the oddness of the situation. He was acutely aware of the man beside him, the warmth of his body, the faint spicy scent of him... the warmth inside his own body, combined reaction to both his companion and what he was reading...

"Well?" Starbuck said, sneaking a peek at him from beneath long lashes.

Apollo leaned back and stretched. "Well- interesting. Very interesting. Almost as interesting as the way you're so familiar with this particular text."

Starbuck laughed. "C'mon, now- how long have you known me? Surely you've noticed by now I hardly walk the path of the straight and narrow?"

"Hadn't thought of it, actually," Apollo admitted, blinking rapidly. Hmm. Maybe tonight would provide more than just a textual learning opportunity...

Starbuck's next action confirmed this suspicion. He laid his hand on Apollo's thigh, in a seemingly casual manner. "Maybe you should have thought of it." His hand rubbed gently.

Apollo looked down at the upturned face of his best friend. Ah, what the hell- it's not like he's going to hate you in the morning. He covered Starbuck's hand with his own and smiled. "Maybe you should have pointed out the possibilities a long time ago."

Starbuck squeezed his leg and transferred his weight from the desk, where he'd been leaning, to Apollo's lap. He folded his arms across Apollo's knees and rested his chin on them, peering up at Apollo with a smile reminiscent of a small boy with his hand in the cookie jar. "And would you have listened, or would you have run like a scared cadet?"

"Ouch," Apollo laughed. He threaded the fingers of his right hand through Starbuck's hair. "Unfair- I may have run when I got a clue, but I'm not running now." Then he froze, breath held and fear clenching his throat, waiting to see what happened next.

"No- no, you're certainly not running now," Starbuck agreed. "But how much of that is 'cause I've got you pinned in this chair?" He grinned, and Apollo decided to take that as a joke.

"No way, man- you haven't got me pinned at all." He grinned. "Like you could hold me here if I didn't want to have you in my lap-" Oops...

That time, his blush was visible, even in the green glow of the computer screen.

Starbuck chuckled. "That sounded like a challenge to me..."

Apollo laughed and tried to stand up. As soon as his rear left the seat of the chair, Starbuck gave it a good shove, sending it rolling far away. Then, before Apollo had really had a chance to register what had happened, Starbuck had pulled him off balance. Apollo went down in a laughing heap, with a grinning Starbuck atop him in a flash.

"See, I knew I could keep hold of you," Starbuck said. His voice was rich with emotion, which was echoed in his smile, his eyes, the almost gentle way he held Apollo- not as though he was really trying to hold his friend down, but more as if he had caught hold of the most precious thing in the universe.

"My argument still stands, Bucko," Apollo said, bringing his arms up off the floor and wrapping them around Starbuck. "I'm not trying to get away at all..."

"Good." Starbuck smiled down into his eyes for a moment longer, then kissed him.

Apollo was taken by surprise by his own reaction, comprised of equal parts fear and pleasure. Starbuck's lips were gentle and undemanding, pressed against his own with a tenderness that woke a trembling response deep within Apollo. "Starbuck..." he breathed, when the kiss ended.

"I've wanted to do that for a long time," Starbuck confessed, bringing a hand up to caress Apollo's face.

"I think... I think I've wanted that for a long time too, even if I never realized it." Apollo could feel his heart threatening to explode from racing too fast. Apollo pulled the blond head down for another kiss. This time, he parted his lips slightly, and felt Starbuck's response- licking along the edge of Apollo's lips, then sliding in his nouth. Apollo's eyes closed, and he lost himself in the sensation. Starbuck was a good kisser. In fact, he was a very good kisser.

"Let me love you, Apollo," Starbuck whispered into his ear, then returned to the serious business of kissing.

"Yes... oh, yes," Apollo panted, when he could speak again. His hands left off their random explorations of Starbuck's back and went to work on his shirt, untucking it and pulling it up.

Starbuck laughed quietly at his eagerness and sat up, straddling Apollo's waist. He peeled the shirt the rest of the way off and tossed it aside. The play of light and shadow across his body made Apollo's heart clench in appreciation of his beauty.

"You know what?" Starbuck's voice, made throaty by desire, woke shivers up and down Apollo's spine.

"What?"

"There's a better place we could be doing this." Starbuck smiled. His hand trailed down Apollo's chest.

"You're right," Apollo agreed, with a dreamy smile. He couldn't get enough of looking at his friend. He probably should have been afraid, but instead he merely felt as though they'd been heading for this moment all along- the natural culmination of all the yahrens of close friendship and love between them.

"So why don't we go in you room?"

"Because you're sitting on me, and I'm still not trying to get away."

Starbuck smiled at him for a long moment, then sprang upright in one smooth motion. He offered a hand to Apollo- who discovered that his back didn't find anything at all romantic about being pressed to the hard floor.

They made their way to the bedroom together, holding hands, as though neither could bear to lose contact with the other for even a moment. Once inside, in the nearly complete darkness, Apollo felt hands undressing him. He gasped when those hands caressed his ass as they slid his pants down, then felt them pushing him gently down towards the bed. There was a rapid rustling in the dark. Apollo laid down, both eager and terrified. Starbuck laid down on the bed beside him and he gasped again when he felt the hot throbbing of the other man's erection against his hip. "Starbuck-"

"Hush, love," he whispered, caressing the length of Apollo's torso. "Let me show you how good it can be with a man."

Despite his apprehension, Apollo chuckled. "No, not just 'with a man,'" he said, stroking his hand through Starbuck's hair. He just couldn't get enough of its thick softness. "With you."

"Yes..." Starbuck breathed across his nipple, sending shivers racing through his entire body. "With me." Then he was licking and kissing the nipple, and Apollo was unable to restrain a moan. That felt... amazing. Why didn't women do that...? With him, anyway. He suspected his lovers, not that there had been many of them, were not very good after all...

Starbuck made the printed green words of the screen come to life as he teased Apollo with lips and tongue, working his way slowly downward with tender care. Apollo was pushed beyond rational thought, into a realm where nothing existed except the magic of Starbuck's hands, lips, and tongue.

"Oh, Apollo," Starbuck breathed, poised above his groin. "I've waited so long for this- so very, very long..." And then his mouth engulfed Apollo in warm wet bliss. He licked and sucked every inch of the throbbing shaft, darting down for a quick lick on the balls now and then. Apollo was lost in wave after wave of pleasure, moaning incoherently.

Then, without warning, it was over. Starbuck continued stroking Apollo with one hand while he groped beside him with the other. Then he found what he was looking for. Apollo heard him fumbling with something, then jerked with surprise as a slippery finger slid between his asscheeks.

"Star-"

"Shh, Apollo- it's alright. Trust me."

His finger stroked along the ring of tight muscle, and Apollo found out for himself that it really was incredibly sensitive to stimulation. He made himself relax. He tensed again when he felt the finger slide in, then gasped in surprise at the unexpectedly intense pleasure. "Oh gods..."

Starbuck bent down for another long, slow lick along the length of Apollo's cock, then kissed his way up to his nipples. Apollo hardly noticed the addition of a second finger, so caught up was he in the sensations Starbuck's mouth and other hand were creating.

Then the fingers slipped out, and Apollo felt the head of Starbuck's dick seeking entrance. He fought down a brief surge of panic, then spread his legs encouragingly. Starbuck slid in slowly. It hurt, a little, but Apollo forced himself to relax. Starbuck went slowly, then started thrusting in and out very gently when he was far enough in to reach the prostate.

"Oh gods... Oh... Starbuck!" Apollo clutched frantically at the man, pulling him closer for a kiss. He felt a wave of fierce passion wash over him, then he was crying out incoherently as he came in an explosion of glory.

Somewhere in the aftermath of his orgasm, he was aware of Starbuck's own hoarse shout of pleasure. Then there was an exhausted weight on top of him and a hand tenderly stroking his hair away from his eyes.

"Apollo..."

"Hmm?" he murmured, mor than halfway unconscious.

"Can I stay the rest of the night?"

Apollo's eyes flew open in surprise. "Lieutenant, if you try to leave me right now, I'll have you brought up on charges."

A tired chuckle met this statement. "Oh will you now."

"Try me. Or rather, don't- because I really don't want to let go of you just now."

"Or ever?" The wistful tone made Apollo smile. He tightened his arms around his lover.

"Or ever."

"Good."

 

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