Don't Cry

Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've been there before
Something's changing inside you
Ooo don't you know

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
Don't you cry tonight

Give me a whisper
Ooo give me a sigh
Give me a kiss before you tell me goodbye
Don't you take it so hard now
Please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinking of you
And the times we had baby

Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
Don't you cry tonight

~Guns'N'Roses

When Starbuck ran out of the room, Apollo stared after him in blank amazement. That was hardly the reaction he'd expected. Congratulations, yes- good-natured ribbing about getting old and settling down, yes- but not what he'd seen. No, not a look as though he'd lost the most precious thing in his life. Not an accusing glare at Serina- and certainly not the gloating little smirk he'd seen on her face, either. What was going on here? He decided to go find out.

"Excuse me," he said as he followed his friend from the room. He heard voices raised in protest, but he didn't care. Some things were more important than keeping his family happy, and Starbuck was one of them.

He wasn't in the lounge. Apollo swore under his breath and backtracked to the living quarters. He found Starbuck there, face down on his bunk.

"Hey." There was no response. Apollo sat on the bed beside his friend and rested a hand on his back. "C'mon, I know you're awake. What's wrong?"

"Nothing." His voice was a harsh, strangled croak, filled with rigidly suppressed emotion.

"That's a load of felgercarb, and you know it." Apollo glanced around the barracks. The room was empty now, but no telling how long that would last. "Let's go to my room and talk."

"Why?" Starbuck didn't move.

"Because I want to know what's going on in that crazy head of yours, that's why."

"I told you, nothing."

"And I told you, that's a load of felgercarb. Now are you coming willingly, or do I have to make it an order?"

"Oh, fine. You want me to go to your room, I'll go. But dammit, keep Serina out of there while I'm there." Starbuck sat up, wearing an expression fit to curdle cream. "Well? What are you waiting for? Let's go."

Even more puzzled than before, Apollo set off for his private quarters. Starbuck followed, muttering under his breath. Apollo strained his ears to catch a hint of what was said, but it was no use.

Apollo opened his door and Starbuck went in, still muttering. He threw himself down on the couch and hit Apollo with a resentful stare.

"Okay, you got me here. Now what do you want?"

"I want to know what's eating at you. Is it something to do with me getting married?"

"Bingo. You've hit the nail right on the head. Congratulations. Now can I go?"

"No! You're going to tell me what's wrong with you." Apollo crossed his arms over his chest and gave his friend a stern look. "You've never had a problem with Serina before, now what happened?"

Starbuck laughed. "I knew it- you really are unbelievably dense. You just don't get it- you never have, you never will."

Apollo began to get an inkling of what Starbuck meant. He sat abruptly in his favorite chair. "You're jealous."

"Did I say that?" Starbuck turned on the injured innocence, an expression he did very well.

"You didn't need to. I'm not completely oblivious, you know." He smiled, a breath of life returning to a long-dead hope.

"Yes, you are." The veiled hostility was back, all innocence gone. "Now you know. I'm leaving now." He started to rise.

"No you're not."

Although quiet, Apollo's tone was enough to halt Starbuck mid-motion. He looked up with surprise, then sank slowly back down to the couch.

"Okay, I'm not. But you're going to have to give me a good reason not to."

"I think I can manage that," Apollo smiled. He wondered how much he should say, what exactly he could get away with. Starbuck's jealousy might just stem from the loss of his best friend, nothing more.

"So spit it out. Why should I stay here, of all places? I mean, come on- rub salt in the old wounds by bringing me here. This is Serina's place now."

Apollo forgot how to breathe. The hope within him flared up to an almost painful sensation. "You sound as though she's taking me away from you."

"Isn't she?"

Apollo felt the accusation in Starbuck's eyes cut through him like a centurion's shortsword. "Never," he whispered.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you." It was Starbuck's turn to press for more information. He leaned forward avidly, waiting for Apollo's response.

"I said, never." Apollo raised his voice above a whisper, not caring about the quaver of emotion which was plainly audible. If he was ever going to take a chance, now was the time to do it- before he went and did something irrevocable with Serina. "She isn't nearly as important to me as you are."

"Really? I can't tell..." Starbuck glanced around the room, focusing on all the signs of Serina's presence in his life- a vase of silk flowers on a table, a sweater casually laid across the arm of a chair, a picture on the wall that hadn't been there before... "All I see in your life is her. There's no more room for me, is there."

"That's not true, and you know it. What are you getting at?" Apollo took a deep breath. He was decidedly uncomfortable and nearly wished he'd let Starbuck get away with his little display earlier without confronting him on it. But this had been his idea, after all, and the stakes were very high. He wasn't nearly the gambler Starbuck was, but he decided to lay it all on the line. "Why do I get the feeling you'd rather be in her place?"

Starbuck's eyes bored into him. He hesitated for a long moment, while Apollo fidgeted awkwardly, certain that he'd ruined everything.

"Maybe because it's true."

The words broke over Apollo like a wave. Maybe because it's true... true... true... He felt hot, then cold all over, then a gentle warmth spread through his body. A silly grin spread across his face from ear to ear. "You mean that? You're jealous because you want..." He couldn't say it, in case it really wasn't true. What if he was misinterpreting? Lords knew he wasn't good at reading people's intentions and motives.

"Yes. You've got it again. I want you, Apollo. Now can I go back to my virtuously empty bed and be miserable?" He rose and made his way towards the door.

"No!" Apollo yelped. He struggled out of the chair, only to find his limbs didn't want to work. "Don't go!" He untangled himself- for the most part. He tripped over his own feet, but reached Starbuck without falling on his face. He grasped his friend by the shoulders and turned him around. "Don't you dare go away- not after making one of my dreams come true! Damn, Starbuck- I'd given up on ever hearing you say that, long ago!"

"You mean..." Comprehension dawned in Starbuck's eyes and a smile lit his face like sunrise over an ocean.

"I mean..." Apollo couldn't speak. The happiness within him was too great, it was choking off the words. He took Starbuck's face in his hands and kissed him lightly. "I mean, I'd far rather share my life with you than Serina, or any other woman."

"Well..." Starbuck said, dazed after another, much longer, kiss, "I guess I'll be staying then, rather than heading back."

"You'd better-" was all Apollo had time to say, before Starbuck was kissing him. It was a very serious kiss, full of wonder and promise. Apollo gave up all pretense of thinking and surrendered to the overwhelming joy of a cherished dream come true.

 


"Apollo?" Serina's voice, unusually hesitant for her, sounded in the darkness. "Apollo, are you in here?" She turned the lights on and saw Apollo sitting on the couch.

"There you are! I was looking all over for you. Why are you sitting here all alone in the dark?" She smiled and moved gracefully to sit beside him.

"Hello, Serina," he said. "I've some bad news for you." He didn't even look at her, just stared off into space with a faint smile on his face.

"What is it, Apollo? Is something wrong?"

"No. Something's very, very right- for me, anyways. But I can't seal to you. We're going to have to call off the engagement."

Now he looked at her. She recoiled in shock from the coldness in his eyes.

"What- but- you can't..." Tears built up in her eyes, threatened to spill over. "What do you mean, break off the engagement? Why would you say such a thing?"

"Don't cry," Apollo said softly. "I still love you, baby- but not enough. You see, there's someone far more important to me than you, or Boxey, or anyone else in this entire fleet for that matter. And that someone is keeping me from making a very big mistake."

"Starbuck," she said numbly. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"Yes."

"How could you do this to me?" she cried out, suddenly angry. "Lead me on, make me think you cared about Boxey- just so you could hurt us!"

"I know how you feel... believe me, I know how you feel." Apollo thought of rather stormy confrontations in the past, when he'd found out Starbuck was dating his sister. "But it isn't going to work. So please, don't cry- just go away quietly. Take your things- or would you rather I send them along later?"

"Apollo! This can't be happening. What are you going to tell Boxey- that you don't want to be his father anymore?"

The cold look in his eyes never wavered. "Don't take this so hard, now. Really, you'll get over it- and so will Boxey. I'll still be thinking of you, and the times we had... but I just don't love you enough to give up Starbuck. I'll get your things now, so we can get this unpleasantness over with as soon as possible, okay?" He rose from the couch.

"Apollo!"

He ignored the anguished cry and went to the bedroom, where Serina and Boxey's belongings were packed into a duffel bag. He picked it up and returned to the main living area.

"Here you go." Serina's eyes bulged as she took in the sight of the bag. "I'll even carry it for you, if you'd like."

"You're serious, aren't you." She sniffed and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "No thank you, I will carry it myself."

She picked up the bag, slung it over her shoulder, and marched away without a backward glance.

When the door closed behind her, Apollo allowed himself a faint smile. He shut off the lights and went in his bedroom, where he stripped and climbed into bed. Starbuck mumbled a sleepy protest as Apollo stole some of the blankets for himself.

"What was all that noise?"

"Nothing, love- just taking care of some unpleasant business."

"Serina?" Starbuck yawned.

"Yes. Now hush, and go back to sleep."

"Not a chance," said Starbuck, sounding considerably more awake. "You're really mine now, and I intend to celebrate."

 

AS&J BSG Farscape Jeremiah Jurassic Park Litslash Potpourri SAJV Star Wars