It was a regular patrol. Nothing much could be said about it, just that it was a normal patrol. Flying through the stars, joking with Apollo, being bored silly.

"Didja see Sheba at the dance on Friday?" Starbuck asked. There was a long suffering sigh over the comm.

"Yeah, I saw Sheba. What of it?"

"Thought you were interested in her?"

"Fat chance, Bucko. Didn't you notice?"

Starbuck sighed. Damn. There he went again.

A warning buzzer came to his rescue. "Got an anomaly here, Apollo. Looks like some kind of..."

That was all he had time to say. There was a massive crackle over the commlink, then nothing.

"Starbuck? Starbuck, what happened?"

No answer.

"Starbuck! Lieutenant, answer me now!"

No answer, and no Viper on his scanner.

"... temporal distortion?"

There was no response.

"Apollo?"

Nothing.

No Viper showed on his scanner. In fact, nothing showed on his scanner, other than a rapidly approaching anomaly.

"Frack!" Starbuck cut his forward speed down nearly to nothing. The anomaly continued to approach. "Oh, frack frack frack..."

It looked like a giant soap bubble, shimmering with rainbow colors. It engulfed Starbuck's Viper before he had time to evade it.

Everything went white, then Starbuck was standing beside an archway in a beautiful courtyard.

"What the frack?" He looked around in utter disbelief. White marble abounded, blooming plants and musical fountains were everywhere.

"Welcome to my home," a disembodied voice said. Starbuck whirled about, searching for the speaker, but he was alone. "It has been long since I had a guest."

"Who are you? Why can't I see you?"

An amused laugh. "Because your fragile human sensors are unequipped to deal with my physical presence, of course."

"Oh... of course," Starbuck replied vaguely. "That doesn't tell me who you are, though, or why I'm here."

"You are here because it amuses me. As for who I am..." A heavy sigh filled the courtyard. "I am the Guardian."

"Guardian? Of what?" Starbuck was very uncomfortable speaking to the invisible voice. He would have given anything to be back in his Viper, twitting Apollo about Sheba. "And what do you mean, I'm here because it amuses you?"

"You ask too many questions, human. Perhaps I will choose not to answer you."

There was silence.

"Um, hello?" Starbuck called tentatively, when the silence became too much. "Guardian?"

He was answered only by the tinkling of the fountains.

"Great. Just great." Starbuck roamed restlessly about the courtyard, making the unwelcome discovery that it was completely sealed. He returned to the center of the courtyard and began looking at the arch. It was the only thing in here not made of marble, although what metal it was Starbuck couldn't tell. He reached out to touch it.

"I wouldn't do that, if I were you."

The voice had a petulant tone, like that of a small child. Starbuck paused, hand raised. "And why not?"

"Because then I should have to do something awful to you, you know. I am the Guardian, after all."

"So you said." Starbuck let his hand fall.

"Don't you want to know what it is?"

"Of course I do, but you seem to dislike questions."

A gusty sigh ruffled the flowers. "I must apologize, it would seem. I have been alone so long that I seem to have forgotten the social graces."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Starbuck sat on a marble bench. "Um, not to be rude or anything, but how do I get out of here?"

A giggle surrounded him. "I knew you'd ask that sometime. To get out of here, you have to face your fears."

"I have to what?"

"That isn't important, though—not right now. I want to tell you my tale, visitor."

Starbuck stifled a groan. Just what he needed, a chatty voice.

"I've been here for centuries, you know."

"No, I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't—that's why I told you. Just shut up and listen, will you? I'm trying to tell a story here."

"So tell it already."

"No need to be so rude," the voice sniffed. "I should have taken the other one. He was far more polite, although less exciting in his thoughts."

Before Starbuck could respond to this astonishing statement, the voice continued. "I am the Guardian of the Doorway into Forever. My job is to keep it safe from all comers. But there have been no comers." A heavy sigh ruffled Starbuck's hair, and he wondered exactly where this being was. "You are the first in many centuries. I can't let just anyone use the Gateway, you see- it must be a special kind of person, or else nothing will be gained. Certain requirements must be met, or else there's no point in using the Gateway at all."

Starbuck was utterly confused. This being was making very little sense, with his talk of guarding the gateway, but wanting to use it—what was going on here?

"So your part in this little thing is simple. You must face your fears and go home."

"I'd go home gladly, but how? And where's my Viper?"

"Silly human creature, you do not need that metal craft to reach your home. All you need is courage and strength. Go through the archway."

"I thought you said—"

"I said not to touch it, not use it. You have to go through—I need you to go through. Please?"

More confused than ever, Starbuck got slowly to his feet. "It will take me home?"

"I didn't say that, now did I? It will take you into your worst fears. You must pass through your three deepest fears before you may return home."

"Great. Just great." Starbuck stared dubiously at the arch. What would be on the other side? Death by Cylon torture? Or worse yet, sex with Sheba? He shuddered. "And what do you get out of this?"

"Don't ask. Just do it."

"Oh, alright, I'll do it."

Starbuck stepped up to the arch, which began to hum. A rainbow shimmer formed in the center of it.

"And don't forget, if you see the arch, you have to come back!" the voice called, as Starbuck stepped through.

Starbuck entered the villa, wondering why everything looked strange for a moment. "Pol? I'm home," he called, as he passed through the atrium and into the main body of the house.

"In here, Star," Apollo called from the bedroom.

This isn't so bad, he thought. Thought this was supposed to be one of my worst fears... are there Cylons about, or what?

Starbuck shook his head to clear it of the odd thought. There had been no Cylons in many yahrens, since long before the fleet had finally reached Earth. He entered the bedroom and was swept up in an enthusiastic embrace by Apollo.

"Missed you, love," Apollo said, between kisses.

No! Not this! I'd rather face Cylons than this! Starbuck's heart twisted painfully and he was torn between leaning into Apollo's embrace and tearing violently away. "Pol—there's something wrong, I don't know what it is—" he gasped, and pulled away to sit on the bed.

"What is it? You don't look good." Apollo knelt beside him and placed a solicitous hand on his forehead. "You're not hot..."

"I feel—like there's two of me, somehow—like part of me is afraid of you, afraid to love you..."

"But we've been together for over ten yahrens, Star! How could you be afraid of me?" Apollo joined him on the bed and held him close. Starbuck shivered for a moment, then laid his head on Apollo's shoulder.

"It's going away now, Pol," he said with relief. "That was very strange. A long time ago, I was afraid to love you, but you took the fear away, remember?"

Apollo kissed his forehead tenderly. "How could I forget? It was one of the best moments in my life, when you finally decided to join me in my bed that night."

"Shall we recreate that night?" Starbuck whispered into his lover's ear, ignoring the ice cold knot of pure terror in his gut.

"Mmm... as I recall, it started something like this..." Apollo raised a hand to Starbuck's cheek, smiling into those familiar blue eyes. Then he kissed Starbuck, gently at first, then with unbridled passion. Starbuck fought down the unreasoning terror and gave himself over to Apollo's lips and hands, rediscovering the joy he'd found in his lover's arms so long ago. A tiny, muffled corner of his mind whimpered to itself—no, no, no, nonononono...—but he ignored it in favor of Apollo's love.

Afterwards, when he could move again, Starbuck slipped away from Apollo for a bath. He stepped through the archway into the bathroom, and—

—collapsed on the floor. "No, not that, anything but that..."

"Interesting," said the voice of the Guardian. "You fear love. I wonder why? I see you have run from the love you bear within you for many of your yahrens. Why is that?"

"None of your fracking business!" Starbuck shouted. He rose unsteadily to his feet. "If I must go through this arch of yours again, then let me get it over with."

"Very well, then. Feel free to enter. This time will be much worse, though."

The echo of a chuckle followed Starbuck through the archway.

Sick bay was unnaturally hushed. Although it was the middle of the day, not a sound broke the silence as Starbuck sat beside Apollo's bed, holding his hand. The still form beside him showed no reaction, no sign of life at all. He'd been this way for two sectares, now, ever since Starbuck had brought him in from the wreckage of his Viper on the surface of a hostile planet.

The sound of the door opening shattered the silence. Dr. Salik entered, face somber. "Starbuck," he began.

"No." Just one word, a flat denial. It was nearly the only thing he ever said anymore.

"Please, Starbuck—you're the only one who can free him from the prison his body has become."

"I know, I know—we've been through it all before. Adama died, Boxey's run off with those planetbound fools, Athena has about as much decision making capability as a mushie after that fever scrambled her brains. I'm the only one Apollo has left. And in fact, doctor—" Starbuck raised his eyes from the still form to look Salik in the eyes. "Apollo's the only one I have left. I won't pull the plug, not while there's still a chance of his recovery."

"But that's just it, Starbuck!" The doctor burst out in sudden frustrated fury. "There is no chance left! He has no mind left, none at all. It's been days since there was any brain activity registered on the charts. The only thing keeping him alive is that machine, forcing his body to function. Apollo is dead, Starbuck—all that is in that bed is a mechanically operated corpse!"

"No chance?" Starbuck repeated dully. "None at all?" He stroked the hand he held absently.

"None, Starbuck," Salik continued, far more gently. "Let him go."

Starbuck looked down at the still features. "Give me some time alone with him."

Dr. Salik stood for a moment, watching the bowed head, then sighed and left.

"He's gone, Apollo," Starbuck whispered. "He went away and left us alone again, just like I asked. He wants me to kill you—wants me to give up and just let you die, right here on this bed. How can I do that, Apollo? Doesn't he understand that you're all I have left? Can't he see that I love you? What am I supposed to do without you? I can't go on alone..."

The anguished whispering continued on and on, as Starbuck poured out his heart to the unhearing ears of his beloved. At length, he ran out of words to say and sat for a long moment, silently staring. Then he pressed the call button.

Dr. Salik entered almost immediately.

"Do it," Starbuck said. He kept his attention focused on Apollo's face, so peaceful, as though he were sleeping and on the verge of waking up. Starbuck could almost believe the eyes would flutter open, the lips would smile, the hand would tighten on his own...

"It's done," the doctor said quietly.

Apollo's body took a few breaths on its own, enough to give Starbuck hope, then died. Silently, Starbuck released his lover's hand and left the room. The doorway had an odd shimmer about it, but all he cared about was the emptiness in his heart, until—

—he landed back in the atrium and once more collapsed on the floor, this time sobbing helplessly.

"Well, well, if it isn't another fear centered on Captain Apollo. What a pity, someone who should bring you much joy and love is instead the source of your deepest fears."

"You! Shut the frack up!" Starbuck yelled, raising his head from the cool marble of the floor. "This is all your fault! You brought me here to torture me, and now all you can do is gloat. Well, I won't have it!" He scrambled to his feet. "I'm going to get this over with, and get the hell out of here."

Starbuck hurled himself at the arch, directly into a confusing maelstrom of images. Every one of them was centered on Apollo—only this time, he and Apollo were not lovers. Every image he saw showed the same thing—a missed opportunity, resulting in a lifetime of despair. A hundred times he saw Apollo offer his love, a hundred times he saw himself turn it down out of fear. A hundred lifetimes he lived and died alone, because he was too fearful to accept what Apollo offered.

The pain burned into him like acid—his own pain of loneliness, Apollo's pain from rejection. Over and over and over again, until he was howling in agony and ready to do anything to make it stop, Starbuck saw himself hurt the one he loved most in all the worlds. Sometimes Apollo couldn't take the rejection and destroyed his life, either through suicide. or drug abuse, or something equally destructive. Sometimes Starbuck couldn't live with himself and did the same. Always, always, there was the common thread of fear, rejection, pain. When at last the arch appeared, Starbuck fled through it with a cry.

But the pain didn't end when he returned to the courtyard. It continued to grow as Starbuck realized that his life now was one of those he had just witnessed, one in which he was doomed to suffer a lifetime of pain, due to his own fear of Apollo's love.

"But it doesn't have to be that way," the voice of the Guardian whispered. "You can still change the way this life will end—just face your fear and overcome it. Love awaits the brave soul. I thank you for feeding me so well, little human, and I bid you adieu. Go once more through the archway, and find yourself again in your quaint little craft, with your friend by your side. Have courage, little one."

Then the voice was gone. Starbuck turned slowly to the archway once more. He took a deep breath. Somehow, this time was worse than any of the others, because what lay on the other side was the real Apollo, and the real life he must lead. There was no way out of this one. He gathered his courage and stepped through, one last time—

—to find himself, as promised, safely in his Viper.

"Starbuck? Lieutenant, answer me, and that's an order!" Apollo's familiar voice came over the comm.

"Right here, Captain," Starbuck replied.

"Where the frack were you? You disappeared right off my scanner for nearly a centon!"

"A centon, huh?" Starbuck muttered. "I flew into the anomaly, Captain. I'll tell you about it later. But for now, there's something I wanted to say."

There was a moment of silence. "Starbuck? I'm listening, what was it you wanted to say?"

Starbuck wrapped his courage and resolve about him like a cloak. "I love you, Apollo."