Apollo regained consciousness slowly, so slowly. It was like struggling up through a thick, viscous gel, a gel which sucked at him, clung to him, hampered his movements in every way. But there was something that made him keep struggling, some piece of knowledge that was worth the effort of waking up... pity he couldn't remember what it was.

When he finally managed to open his eyes, he was afraid the gel had won. There was nothing but a murky darkness in front of his eyes, with not even a single glimmering of light. The air was thick and hot, burning in his lungs. There was something in it which didn't agree with his lungs at all. He tried to move, to sit up, to do anything- but was held down by a weight beyond any he had ever felt before. He struggled frantically, and was rewarded by a shift in the material holding him down. A lump dug viciously into his back, just below his kidney and he froze in place. Memory returned in a rush.

They had been sent on a distress call, Starbuck and himself. Miners had been lost in the unstable depths of a tylium mine. The colonists had not felt equal to the task of rescuing them on their own, and had called on the mutual aid pact made with the Galacticans. They had been moving along quickly, following the signals of their handheld tracers, when there had been a shift, a rumble- and then all hell broke loose. Apollo could remember falling for what felt like metrons, before he slammed into something solid and immobile.

"Starbuck!" Now he remembered what was so important, why he had to wake up and stay aware. Starbuck was down here too. His throat spasmed, causing a painful coughing fit. The dirt-laden air burned in his lungs. "Starbuck!" Although he tried to shout, only a hoarse croak came out. "Where are you?"

There was a faint groan.

"Starbuck! Can you hear me? Can you answer?" He had to cough again. The rock pressing on his back shifted again, threatening to punch a hole in him.

"Apollo..."

Faint, but it was there- Starbuck's voice. "Are you hurt?" Stupid question, he knew, but he had to know.

"Don't know... can't move."

"Don't try. If the rocks shift, they could crush us both." Apollo thought for a moment. "You got your tracer on you?"

"Yeah." There was a slight change in pitch to Starbuck's voice.

"What is it, Starbuck? What's wrong?"

"Trapped, Pol- trapped, can't get out-" The rising panic in his voice was unmistakable.

"Starbuck!" Apollo forced his voice to obey him, forced it to snap out his friend's name in a tone that would cut through the fear. "It's going to be okay, you hear me? They've got a lock on the tracers- you know that, that's why you usually don't even take one with. They know there's been an accident. They will come get us. You understand me?"

Ragged gasps sounded, from directly below and to his right.

"Answer me, Lieutenant! Do you understand?" Apollo viciously suppressed the need to cough. He couldn't afford to have the load shift again.

"I... understand," came the faint reply.

"Good. Where are you at? Is there any part of you that can move without causing the rocks to shift?"

"Think I'm- right under you." There was a grunt of effort, and Apollo felt something shift under him.

"You must be, I felt that. Can you keep it together?"

"Damn, Pol- you know how I am about small spaces..."

"Yeah, that's why I asked. But you have to keep it together, because they are coming for us, got that? And last thing I need is for you to lose it right underneath me. Who would keep me company then?"

"Keep you company?" Even in this situation, Starbuck still kept his sense of humor. "What about me? You're the loner, I'm the one who has every right to be upset that I'm trapped down here without any other companion except you."

"Yeah, yeah- go ahead, keep complaining." Apollo smiled. Damn, felt like his face had been dragged over a grater.

"I have every right to complain. Stuck here with you, and I don't even get to be on top."

"That's what comes of being in a cave in with a superior officer, I guess."

There was a brief silence. "Apollo- I'm sorry."

"What?" Apollo was startled.

"I shouldn't have said that, even just joking."

"Said what?"

"Well, there's no one else I'd rather be stuck in a cave in with."

"Not even Cassie?" Apollo couldn't resist.

A muffled groan met his query. "Especially not Cassie. Look- I think it's fairly safe to say there's no one listening here, right?"

Apollo couldn't help it- he laughed, which set off a coughing spell, which had the welcome effect of shifting the rock slightly off his back. "Safe- yes," he gasped, when he could speak again.

"Don't tell anyone about this, okay? Because things aren't all they seem with Cassie."

"What?" Apollo blinked. He decided to leave his eyes shut- there was nothing to see, and maybe if they stayed shut they could produce enough moisture to wash away some of the grit.

"There's something we just don't tell other people, you see. We're just.... well, just pretending."

"Oh." Apollo was quiet for a moment, trying to absorb that startling information. "Mind if I ask why?"

"She wanted to- well, to hide behind me, kind of. There were people bothering her, people who didn't see the medtech- just the socialator."

"Ah- I see. And people who would bother a socialator won't mess with a warrior's girlfriend."

"Yeah."

"So why'd you tell me? And why now?"

"Don't know- felt like you should know."

"Ah." Apollo groped frantically through his mind for something to say. "So who's your eye really on? And don't tell me no one, because I know you too well."

"I'd say no one, but that would only piss you off."

"Damn straight. Ah well, Bucko, if you don't want to tell me, your oldest and closest friend..."

"Maybe someday, 'kay, Apollo? But right now, there's other things on my mind."

"Such as?"

A faint groan, and a ripple of movement from below. "Such as the fact that it hurts bloody awful trying to breathe. You know, you're the only one who could keep me talking in this situation. Anyone else would get told to go play hide and go fuck yourself."

Apollo choked on another laugh. "Damn you, Bucko, don't make me laugh... I have to keep you talking, though."

"Why's that?"

"Because, if you're talking, then neither one of us is freaking."

"You? Freak? Fat chance of that."

"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do, old lad."

"What do you mean? You have a problem with small places too?"

"Not small places- restraints."

There was a faint, wheezing chuckle. "Okay, then- remind me, when we get out of here, that bondage is out of the question."

"Sure thing."

"Pity, that- here I've got all these lovely whips and chains and harnesses..." The wheezing chuckle was repeated.

"Starbuck, you are such a nutcase."

"And what does that make you, then? After all, you stand by this nutcase, no matter what."

"Makes me just as crazy as you, I guess."

"Good thing. Life wouldn't be the same without you around."

"I hear that, buddy."

There was a brief silence, punctuated by the occasional rattle of pebbles still falling from somewhere.

"Apollo?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you going to do in the future?"

The question surprised Apollo, caught him totally unprepared. "Uhh... that depends on what you mean."

"I mean, do you want to continue as a Viper pilot for the rest of your life? Do you want to take over the quest for Earth if Adama dies? Do you want to just bugger off and leave the Fleet, whenever some pleasant planet presents itself? And I don't mean this bloody awful hunk of unstable rock."

"Interesting question," Apollo said. "Hmm... I never really thought about it. I actually don't know. I think it would be nice to settle down somewhere, on Earth or wherever. I don't really give a damn if we find Earth, you know."

"I kind of thought so. I don't either."

"I know. What do you want to do?"

"Sometimes I get so bloody tired of the whole situation... I just want to head off on my own- well, not really. I'd try to persuade you to come with me, of course. But I just want to find somewhere to settle down. A city, or a farm, or anything- anything I could call my own, and not have to worry about Cylons, or the Council, or superior officers- present company excepted, of course."

"You'd want me to come with?" Apollo was touched. He knew Starbuck cared, of course- that much couldn't be hidden, after half a lifetime together- but he hadn't realized he figured in the Lieutenant's dreams of the future.

"Yeah. Can't imagine life without you there, giving me hell all the time."

"Oh come on, now- surely I'm not that bad, am I?"

"You can be."

"But... what makes you say that?"

"You come down damn hard on me sometimes, Pol, and you know it."

"Well... yeah, but only on duty. Never in our personal lives."

"Yeah, right! You just don't approve of a lot of things I do."

Apollo thought for a moment. "Like what?"

"Drinking, gambling, sleeping around- generally raising nine kinds of hell..."

"But Starbuck- you wouldn't be you without those things, and then where would I be? Out a best friend, someone who's been the one constant in my life for the last fifteen yahrens..."

"Your life? Hell, what about mine? It's a bit more unstable than yours. But honestly- those things don't bother you?"

Something prompted Apollo to give a completely honest answer. Maybe it was the seriousness of the situation, maybe it was the nagging fear that maybe this was the last time he'd ever talk to Starbuck- whatever. "You want me to be completely honest?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind. No evasions, this time."

"Okay. So it bothers me a little." He paused, trying to sort through his complex reaction to the question. "More the sleeping around than the others, although those damned fumarillos of yours really make me sneeze way too much for me to like them."

"Okay, so if the opportunity presents itself for me to run off with you, I'll quit smoking."

Apollo smiled again, despite the pain. "I'll hold you to that. Don't think I won't."

"Why's it bug you that I sleep around?"

"I think I'm jealous- and not like that, you," he added, when there was a strangled and incoherent sound from below. "I think it bothers me because for one, you're luckier than I am with the ladies, and for another- well. I don't like sharing you." He could feel his face warm, and wished he hadn't said that as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Thanks, Pol," Starbuck said, very quietly.

"For what?"

"For being honest. I always wondered if you gave a damn."

"Of course I give a damn! Why wouldn't I?"

"You're always so... so."

"So what?"

"Well, so- distant, I guess. I mean, I know you care about people, but I'll bet I'm the only one who does."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. And sometimes I wonder, you know?"

"Wonder what?"

"Exactly how much you do care- about me."

A lump rose in Apollo's throat and he had to swallow repeatedly to get rid of it. "More than I can ever say, buddy," he said finally.

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Can't even come up with a word to describe it, in fact."

"Try?"

Apollo wondered at the pleading tone, wondered how badly Starbuck was hurt down there, wondered why his friend was suddenly getting all emotional. "Okay. For you, I'll try. Like doesn't even begin to cover it. Even love doesn't do this kind of feeling justice. You're like a part of myself- someone who I just can't live without, someone who I'm meant to spend this entire lifetime with- more important than even blood relations."

"Really?"

"Starbuck, I wouldn't lie about something that important. Why are you asking this?"

"Because I need to know, Apollo. I really need to know that you care about me, that there's a reason to hang on, to not just let go..."

"No!" Panic rose up and clenched at Apollo's throat. "Don't you dare!"

"It would be so easy... but as long as you're here, and you care- do you need me, Pol?"

"Gods, Starbuck- of course I need you! I just told you I can't live without you, so quit talking crazy on me, and stay with me!"

"Okay, I'll stay, for you. Tell me, though- what if I told you a bad thing about me?"

"What?"

"Something you might think is very bad."

"What could possibly be bad about you?"

"Well... you don't like that I sleep around."

"So? That's hardly news, and it's hardly about you."

"Do you know it's not just ladies?"

"Er..." Apollo blushed. "Yeah, actually I did."

"You did?" Surprise was clearly audible in Starbuck's voice. "And you still care?"

"Dammit Starbuck, of course I still care! I got over being pissed about that a long time ago. When we were in the Academy, in fact."

"You were pissed?"

"I was extrememly pissed."

"Why?"

"Because," Apollo said slowly, reluctant even after all they'd shared to haul this truth out of the depths of his soul, "you weren't interested in me."

"What?"

"Look, it was a long time ago. When I found out you were hopping into bed with upperclassmen- well, I got really jealous, and really mad that you didn't think I was good enough for you."

"Never that, Apollo."

"Then what?"

"I always thought you would hate me if I tried coming on to you."

"Very funny. Maybe, once upon a time, I would have taken a swing at you- but I could never hate you."

"Damn. Wish I'd known. And now?"

"Uhh..."

"See, I knew that would be your reaction. You don't give a shit about me in that way."

"Sagan, Starbuck- how many times do I have to tell you, you're the most important person in the universe to me? I'm not used to thinking about you as a potential sex-partner anymore, but damn- can you honestly think I don't give a shit about you? For any reason?"

"Well... you sound like you actually care."

"Damn straight I care."

"So if this had never happened- well, then I never would have had the guts to try. But if there was an after this happened..."

"What do you mean, if?" Fear tore at him, shredded his heart with its icy claws.

"Apollo- I think you should know, I love you."

"Starbuck, I think you should tell me what the frack is wrong, that you're saying if."

"Don't worry about me."

"Too late, dammit. What's wrong?"

There was a noise overhead.

"Nothing, really. Just worried. Was that a sound?"

"Yeah." Apollo opened his eyes, straining for a futile glimpse of light. The noise repeated, then settled into a series of rhythmic thumps. "Sounds like someone's trying to dig us out."

"Good."

"Starbuck? Why's your voice sound weaker?"

"Sorry, Pol- still having a rough time breathing."

"Damn you, don't even think about giving up on me! Not after raking me over the emotional coals and making me admit how much I love and need you!"

"You mean that? You really love me?"

"I told you, it's way beyond love. Now will you keep talking? You sound worse."

"Only for you, Pol. Only for you."

"Tell me about your dream home."

"What?"

"Where you want to go if you leave the fleet."

"It would be a big city, I think- lots of stuff to do, you could come see it all with me, and we could lose Boxey at some school and run off during the days... or maybe a farm. Would you like that? I did some work on a farm once- six weeks, supposed to teach me appreciation for the old ways. It worked."

"What's a farm like?" Apollo prodded, desperate now to keep Starbuck talking. The pile of rubble overhead was shifting now and the thumps were getting nearer, punctuated by the ringing sound of metal against rock. Apollo had a sudden horrific vision of the rescuer accidentally impaling him on a pickaxe.

"'snice."

"Tell me."

"Animals. Growin' things. Wake up early. Work y'r ass off."

"Starbuck, dammit- quit sounding like that!" Apollo felt the fear digging deeper into his heart, into his very soul.

"Sorry, Pol- s'damn hard t'breathe..."

"Starbuck! Hang on, they're coming! Dammit, don't give up on me, man!" Tears were mixing with the dirt to form mud on his face. He could feel it. It tickled. The tickle was of less than no importance compared to keeping Starbuck talking.

"Not... givin'... up..."

"Stay with me. You can do it, just stay with me a little longer- they'll get you out of here, they'll get you to medbay and fix you up."

"...love...you..."

"Starbuck!" Apollo howled with anguish, forgetting to be careful. The cough which racked his body was infinitely worse. The efforts of the rescue party were stirring up dust, and he would almost swear that they had cut off the main supply of air, scarce though it was. Finally it ended. "Starbuck?"

No answer.

"Starbuck! Answer me!"

He kept trying, although there was no response. He had to. And soon he could hear voices coming through the rubble, but not the one he wanted to hear.

"Apollo! Is that you?" A voice- sounded like his father.

"Yes! Is there a doctor? Starbuck's hurt, he's hurt bad, and he's quit talking!"

The effort of shouting through the layer of rock made him cough again. The efforts to reach him resumed, and the weight on top of him shifted yet again, pinning him even more firmly. He thrashed frantically, suddenly losing his precarious grip on sanity. He had to get free, had to get out of here- had to move...

There was a breath of air, filled with dust but cool.

Apollo got control of himself again. There was light. There was air. There was someone hauling that damned rock off his back. Then he felt hands on his legs, pulling him backwards. He came free of the rubble, then broke away from his rescuers and lunged forward to find Starbuck.

The harsh light of the rescue party's lanterns illuminated the scene clearly. Part of Starbuck's flight jacket was visible in the hole left by Apollo's body. Hands restrained him, and he struggled, trying to reach his friend. But others were in the way, pulling rocks carefully away from Starbuck's body.

Apollo was vaguely aware of voices, people trying to tell him to calm down, not to watch. He ignored them, fighting the resisting hands with all his will. Then he felt the pressure and sting of a hypospray against his neck, and the world went dark.


This time, Apollo remembered exactly why he had to regain consciousness. He had to get to Starbuck. He pried his eyes open and sat up, despite the fact that he felt like he'd been pounded all over with a heavy hammer. He was in the Life Center, safe on the Galactica.

Starbuck was in the bed next to his.

Apollo stared. He looked like nine kinds of hell. He was pale, bruised, and scraped. But he was also alive. Relief so intense it was nearly a physical force swept over him, and Apollo fell back against the bed. He groaned at the myriad pains awakened by this action- Sagan, was there any part of him that didn't hurt?

Dr. Salik entered the room. "It's about time you woke, Captain," he said, with what passed for a smile.

"How is he?" Apollo asked urgently. Dr. Salik's smile widened.

"Too bad your father's not a betting man- I would have won."

"What?" Apollo blinked.

"I told him you'd be more concerned about Starbuck than yourself."

"Well? How is he?"

"He sustained a lot of damage," Salik replied, losing the smile. "There was a rib piercing one of his lungs, and a rock compressing his trachea in a most dangerous manner. There were assorted minor injuries- three broken ribs, a cracked vertebra, multiple bruises and contusions- like yours. But the worst of it was the head injury."

"Head injury?" The rest sounded plenty bad enough.

"A depressed skull fracture. If we'd gotten to him any later, even a few centons, he'd have been gone."

Apollo swallowed hard. His throat hurt. "But he'll be alright?"

"Yes. He'll be fine. And so will you."

"How long?"

"You'll both be out of action for at least a secton. I'm keeping you here for forty-eight centares for observation. We've done all the major repairs- bones all fused, blood replaced- even got Starbuck's lung reinflated properly. But both of you suffered severe trauma, and we have to make sure your systems heal properly."

"We can go home in two days?" Apollo picked the important information out and focused on it.

"Yes."

"Good."

He closed his eyes, hoping the doctor would take the hint and go away. He had a lot to think about- namely, what was going to happen in two days, and Starbuck's reaction when he learned that Apollo wanted him to move in with him and Boxey.

Everything was going to be all right.

To Make It Real

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