as the midnight moon driftin' through
the lazy sway of the tree
I saw the look in your eye
lookin' into the night
not seein' what you wanted to see
darlin' don't say a word
I've already heard
what your body's sayin' to mine
you're tired of fast moves
you've got a slow groove
on your mind

you want a man with a slow hand
you want a lover with an easy touch
you want somebody who will spend some time
not come and go in a heated rush
baby believe me I understand
when it comes to love you want a slow hand

moonshadowed ground with no one around
and a blanket of stars in our eyes
we're driftin' free like two lost leaves
on the crazy wind of the night
darlin' don't say a word
I've already heard
what you're body's sayin' to mine
if you want all night
you know it's all right
I've got time

you've got a man with a slow hand
you've got a lover with an easy touch
you've got somebody who will spend some time
not come and go in a heated rush
baby believe me I understand
when it comes to love you want a slow hand

~Conway Twitty

Apollo sank to the ground, still leaning against the sturdy bole of the tree. The view reminded him of his lost home- water gleamed below in the night, reflecting the moonlight in rippling waves. The moons themselves were the wrong size and out of phase- never, on Caprica, would there have been two moons full while the third was a mere sliver- but they shed the same sort of light. Even the dancing, changing shadows were familiar- the way the three moons cast their light at different angles, making the shadows lay on the ground in bizarre shapes and angles... plus the breeze. It was the breeze that spoke to him the most of home: fresh, cool, scented with the blossoms of nightflowers and the cool tang of water, teasing at his hair... something he had missed terribly on the battlestar.

He sighed. The battlestar. Well, he definitely wasn't on the battlestar now, nor was he going anywhere near it for quite some time. And that was part of his problem- stuck here, with a disabled shuttlecraft, and the real cause of his pain. Starbuck.

Apollo picked up a fallen twig, toying with it aimlessly. Starbuck. It always came back to Starbuck. At least this time the man hadn't actually done anything- consciously, at any rate.

A warmth crept over Apollo at the memory of what had sent him out of the snug tent in a state of incoherent longing: Starbuck snuggling closer, arms wrapping around him, murmuring something in his sleep... and blissfully unaware of what he'd done. Completely unconscious, utterly oblivious- probably dreaming of Cassie, or Athena, or any of a hundred others... but never me.

Apollo stilled his thoughts, leaving nothing but the pain. He stared down the slope to the lake and gradually emptied his mind and heart of the pain as well, a trick he had down to perfection after so many yahrens.

"Beautiful, isn't it?"

Starbuck's quiet voice sent Apollo scrambling to his feet frantically. "Yes, yes it is," he panted, trying to regain control of himself, fragile peace shattered by surprise. He dusted himself off, shifting awkwardly away from the tree root he'd stood up on. "What are you doing out here? Thought you were asleep."

"I was." Shadows played across Starbuck's face, flickering and shifting. Apollo's breath caught at the ethereal beauty of the moment: the tall blond man, hair nearly silver in the light of the three moons, eyes flickering with the play of light and shadow...

"So what are you doing out here? You should be in there, where at least it's warm."

"Maybe so- but you're out here." There was a quicksilver flash of teeth in the moonlight. "And besides- how often do I get to see a sight like that?" He indicated the lake below. "Much less feel actual wind in my hair, even if it is chilly."

"Point taken." Apollo blinked and wrenched his gaze away from Starbuck, to look up at the moons. The smaller full moon was already waning- it had incredibly rapid phase changes. Theoretically impossible, based on the shadow theory, but happening right in front of his eyes. "Never thought you'd appreciate things like scenery."

"There's a lot of things I appreciate." That was so quiet Apollo wasn't entirely sure he'd heard it. But Starbuck moving closer was unmistakable. Apollo kept his eyes fixed on the moons above, heart pounding. "Apollo..."

"What?" Apollo was proud of himself- not only was he able to get the word out around the dryness of his throat, but it sounded normal, steady.

"What are you looking at that's so interesting?" Starbuck turned around.

"Just the moons. Nothing much." Apollo felt some of the tension in his shoulders release, with those moonshadowed eyes off his face.

"Must be pretty fascinating moons, to be more interesting than me," Starbuck said, with a faint laugh. Apollo swallowed very hard.

"Starbuck... what's up with you? You sound- I don't know, kind of, well, odd."

Starbuck chuckled. "Probably- I know I feel odd." He glanced back at Apollo. "You staying out here, or going inside?"

"Er... I was planning on staying out here, for a while anyway. Why?"

A heavy, long-suffering sigh. "In that case, I'm sitting down. I'm still kinda wiped from the... you know." He looked around, then picked a spot and sank down, legs crossed.

"Yeah, I know." Apollo shook his head and resumed his seat against the tree trunk. There had been no respite for the last secton from frantic activity- between Cylon attacks and the mysterious disease which had stricken the population of the Galactica, no one had had much chance to rest. And now, here were the Fleet's two most celebrated warriors, out of comission on a planet with the raw materials to replenish the sadly diminished stores of the Galactica and a useless hulk that once had been a shuttle.

"Not exactly the way I had in mind to get a vacation," Starbuck sighed. He picked up a rock, tossing it and catching it repeatedly.

"I know. Me either. But what can we do? Nothing, just sit here on our arses until someone can be spared to fetch us. How were we supposed to know the Cylons could hide in the bizarre electromagnetic ring up there?"

"We weren't." Toss... catch. Toss... catch. Toss... Starbuck caught the rock, then put it down with a swift and decisive motion. "It could be a good thing, though- how else would you ever take a break?"

"Me?" Apollo laughed. "Me, take a break? But all I ever do is work. That's done at the end of the duty shift. You're the one who's on the go every micron of every day."

"Maybe so, but most of those microns are devoted to fun and pleasure."

"I know." Apollo winced. Even to himself, that sounded unnecessarily bitter.

"But hey- what else is a guy to do, hmm?" Starbuck shot him a look. "Not like I can ever hope for anything else out of life, might as well have some fun."

"And what more do you want from life, anyway? I know you're not really the shallow boray you portray to such perfection..."

Starbuck chuckled. "Apollo, if you ever let that secret get out, I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" Apollo interrupted, a grin playing about his lips. This was old, familiar territory- safe.

"I'll... oh, I don't know. Maybe tell Sheba you've confessed your undying passion for her to me."

Apollo threw a handfull of twigs and leaves, showering his laughing friend. "Don't you dare."

Starbuck sobered abruptly. "I would never do that to you, Pol."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart." A sudden gust of wind flipped Starbuck's hair into his eyes. Without thinking, Apollo reached out and brushed it away. Starbuck caught his hand and smiled. "Why would I ever want to encourage Sheba to take you away from me?"

The moment lasted forever- Starbuck's hand warm on his own, the moons lighting his eyes with an elusive sparkle, the gentle breeze working its way under his open jacket... he shivered.

"Cold?" Starbuck shifted until he was beside Apollo, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.

"Starbuck- what's gotten into you?" He was dreaming. That was the only possible explanation. There was no way Starbuck had just wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close to his warm side- it had to be a dream.

"Nothing, Apollo- why do you ask?"

Warm breath tickling his ear, hand creeping across his chest, other hand sliding up to cradle his neck... Oh gods, if this is a dream I don't ever want to wake up...

"Starbuck..."

"I was lonely." The whisper sent chills racing through Apollo. "I had been having such a nice dream, and then it went away and I got cold and lonely."

Apollo felt warmth spreading from the middle of his gut, slowly unfolding to the farthest reaches of his body. "But- I-"

Starbuck nodded. Apollo felt his head move. "You. Yes, definitely you. You got up and went away, and took my dream with you. Why?"

"Because," Apollo whispered. Hands stroked at him, teasing the words out whether he willed it or not. "Because it wasn't me."

"But it was." There were lips on his neck. Apollo leaned into the sensation, hardly daring to breathe. "It was definitely you. Sometimes I let myself wonder..."

"Wonder?" Apollo shifted closer, slipping his own arms around Starbuck, heart pounding.

"What would it be like, if you didn't insist on keeping your distance..."

"What?" Apollo pulled away, looking at Starbuck in utter shock. "But-"

Starbuck's hands dropped away. "See? There you go again, pulling back."

"Starbuck..." Apollo's head spun. "I don't insist on keeping my distance. But I know- I know you don't want what I do, so I-"

"Can you be sure of that?"

Starbuck was kissing him. Apollo froze, unable to react or even think for a long moment, while his heart did giddy backflips of joy and his brain finally registered that Starbuck was kissing him.

"You want someone who will stay with you, go the distance," Starbuck murmured, trailing fiery kisses along Apollo's jawline. "You want someone who is serious, who won't run out on you- who has a serious case of fidelity." The kisses progressed down his throat. "You want someone-"

"Wrong," Apollo managed, voice a mere croaking parody of normal. Starbuck froze.

"Wrong?"

"Yes, wrong- I don't want somebody." He gathered the last of his scattered wits and decided that yes, he really did want to risk this. "I want you."

A low chuckle answered him. "You actually had me worried for a micron, Pol. Thought I'd been reading you wrong all these yahrens."

"Yahrens?" Apollo pulled away again. "Yahrens?"

"Yes, yahrens. I've been incredibly stupid."

Apollo looked at Starbuck, who ducked his head down with a shy grin. "Well?"

The eyes peeking out from under long lashes glimmered with moonlight and shadow. "So I had issues. I've resolved them."

"Issues..." Apollo shook his head. "And now?"

"Now... I want to love you."

Then they were kissing again. Apollo retained enough rationality to wonder if this was really such a good idea, then he gave himself over to Starbuck entirely. He was peripherally aware of moving, still wrapped in Starbuck's arms, stumblling back to the shelter. Then they were inside, out of the chill wind, and hot hands were everywhere, tearing at clothing and burning into flesh cold from centares of the night air.

One last thought crossed Apollo's mind before he succumbed to the wave of passion threatening to engulf him: Dear Lords, don't let him regret this in the morning...

* * * * * * * *

The heart's desire. A thing to be sought above all else, to be clung to and retained against all odds... Apollo clung to his heart's desire, a shifting golden nebulosity with Starbuck's eyes. But it was slipping away, drifting through his fingers. No matter how he tried, his heart's desire was leaving him, drifting away with a chuckle and a wink, leaving him cold and barren and bereft...

Apollo woke with a smothered cry, clutching the bedroll and shivering in the faint light of dawn. He was alone. The pain from his dream seized him again, that of having found and lost his heart's desire. He bit back a moan of despair and made an effort to shake off the influence of the brief but vivid nightmare. It was just a dream, he told himself firmly. Just a dream. Don't let it affect you.

Several deep breaths later, Apollo rolled over and located his uniform. He threw the blanket off, then shivered and covered back up. Sometime during the night, it had gotten really cold. He regarded his uniform dubiously for a moment, then snaked an arm out from the warmth and hauled it under the covers. The touch of the icy material against his skin made him shiver, which woke memories of other shivers, last night when the cold had not affected him in the least because...

He cut the memory off abruptly. Perhaps it would be best to treat that as just a dream, as well- since he'd woken alone.

With the uniform warmed to a more acceptable temperature, Apollo clambered into it, with some very creative wiggling and squirming intended to keep as much of his skin as possible under cover. It worked, more or less- he succeeded in dressing without freezing. He located his boots, ran a hand through his hair, and pulled the tent flap aside.

A cold breeze caressed his face. The sun shone brightly, although it provided scarce warmth, lighting a beautiful and empty landscape. Apollo sighed and went out to answer nature's call.

A quarter centare later, there was still no sign of Starbuck, and Apollo was beginning to worry. He checked the wrecked shuttle- no luck, although the distress beacon was functioning properly. He went back to the tent- no Starbuck. He climbed the slight rise to the tree which had been such a significant site in the night- no Starbuck there, either. The sweeping beauty of the view was utterly lost on him as he leaned against the tree and wondered what he should do next. Maybe he could jury-rig the sensors on the shuttle somehow, scan for human life-signs...

He was so preoccupied with worry that at first he didn't even see Starbuck when he turned. He'd actually started to walk past the man, on his way to the shuttle, when Starbuck laughed and startled him so badly that he jumped.

"Apollo, sometimes you are just too funny," Starbuck grinned.

"And where in hells were you?" Apollo snapped, trying to cover his reaction. Starbuck's grin wavered and died, and Apollo's heart froze.

"I went for a walk. Had some thinking to do." Starbuck was looking away now, uncharacteristically serious.

"And?" Fear clenched at Apollo's throat, sending ice coursing through his veins and negating the slowly increasing warmth of the sun.

"And..." Starbuck sighed, then looked back at Apollo. The sun haloed him in a pale golden haze, creating a picture of stunning beauty despite his rumpled uniform and windblown hair. "And I did a lot of thinking."

"Starbuck..." Apollo said warningly. Starbuck grinned.

"That's it, Pol- I did a lot of thinking."

Apollo ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. "Fine, then- be that way." He set off for the shuttle and the emergency rations.

"Of course I'll be that way," Starbuck said, falling in beside him. "It's the Starbuck way- how else could I be?"

"Like you were last night, for starters." Oops- he hadn't really meant that to come out. He glanced at Starbuck and what he saw stopped him in his tracks. Starbuck had a look of unguarded wonder on his face, with a smile that lit his eyes from within.

"Last night..." He stopped also, then closed the distance between them. He ran his hands up Apollo's arms, resting them lightly on his shoulders, and causing Apollo's heart to indulge in gymnastic feats in his chest. "That's actually what I was thinking of, believe it or not."

"I believe it," Apollo said, voice low and choked with emotion. He didn't want to push, sensing that this was a very critical moment- one wrong move, and Starbuck would be lost to him forever.

"And I was thinking, did you mean it?" Blue eyes captured and held his own.

"Mean what?"

"What you said." The luminous smile gave way to another unguarded look, one of open longing.

"Do you want me to mean it?" Apollo had to be sure, had to offer Starbuck a way out, because this was just too important. This was his heart's desire on the line. His arms crept around Starbuck's waist, despite his intention not to push in any way.

"Apollo..." Starbuck sighed dramatically. One hand slipped up to caress Apollo's cheek. "You may find this hard to believe, but I'm serious this time. You mean too much to me to risk our friendship. What happened last night was wonderful, a dream come true- but if you didn't mean what you said, then..." He left the words unsaid, but Apollo understood: then we'd better just forget it happened.

"Starbuck," Apollo said, trying to sound stern. He could feel the corner of his mouth twitching, though, which ruined the overall effect. "Have you ever known me not to be serious? Especially about something so important?"

"Well..." Starbuck pretended to think. "There was a time back at the Academy, I think... no, wait a minute, that was Boomer." He smiled, bringing the light back to his eyes. Apollo couldn't resist any longer. He leaned forward and kissed Starbuck, a soft brush of lips against lips which still managed to rock the foundations of his universe. This was real, this was daylight and real, not something that could be dismissed as temporary insanity or a dream or an effort to keep warm... this was real.

"I meant everything I said, Starbuck," he said, low and intense.

"Everything?" Starbuck murmured, lips curving and one eyebrow raising coyly. "Even the part about me being the most important person in all the worlds?"

"Especially that part." Apollo kissed him again, savoring the feel of the strong body against his own. "Did you mean what you said?"

Starbuck chuckled. "Apollo, surely you've noticed by now that I can be serious on occasion?"

"Not really..." Apollo was distracted by more kisses, searing his mouth. "But if you're not..."

"I am." Starbuck pulled away and looked at him. "I want this to last, Apollo. I spent a long time in denial, yeah, but all I've ever wanted is you."

Apollo smiled. "And what makes you think I'll have a problem with that, hmm?"

"Nothing, really- just don't want you to think that I'm just playing around with you."

"Starbuck," Apollo sighed. "Give me some credit, here- I know better than that. I'm probably the only person you haven't screwed over, and probably the only one that knows you're capable of commitment. After all, I've had you for what, fifteen yahrens? Sixteen? And we're still friends."

"And you know what, Pol?" Starbuck's fingers traced over his face lightly, leaving tingling trails behind. "If I'd been able to face the truth all those yahrens ago..."

He left the thought unfinished, and Apollo sighed. "Well, that hardly matters now- you seem to have decided it's okay to love me now."

Starbuck smiled with heart-stopping sweetness. "Yes. It's definitely okay. In fact, it's more than okay, and we have a lot of lost time to make up for."

"Then what are we waiting for?"

Laughing, hand in hand, the two lovers raced back to the campsite and plunged into the emergency shelter.