*...scissors, paper, stone...*
*...scissors, paper, stone...*
*...scissors, paper, stone...*
*...scissors, paper, stone...*
"This has gone on long enough! Both of you, stop it, right now."
Two sets of identical blue eyes glared at the intruder. Unimpressed, Aeryn returned the glare.
"You've been at it for arns. Haven't you figured out yet that neither of you will win? You can't beat yourself, after all."
Both men started to speak at once, then stopped, hostile gazes tranferred to each other.
"If you don't mind, I was speaking," John Crichton snarled.
"Be my guest," the other John Chrichton invited, with a wave of his hand. "By all means, tell the lady that I'm not you."
"You're not! I'm me, dammit, and you're nothing but a copy- a flawed one, at that."
"Hey, hey, now- watch it, you! I'm the real Crichton, and I can prove it."
"Oh you can, now, can you? Go on then, do it!"
Unnoticed by either man, Aeryn Sun folded her arms and leaned against the doorframe to watch the conflict. At least they'd broken off that infernal mindless game.
"My name is John Robert Chrichton, born Durham County Medical Center December 18, 1967. Lived at-"
"5117 N Birchwood Lane, yadda yadda yadda. C'mon, now- we both know all the piddly-shit little details. Give me something impressive here."
"Impressive? You want impressive? I'll give you impressive!"
Chrichton lunged across the table and grabbed his double by the throat, beginning an energetic free-for-all.
Aeryn looked on for a moment, then sighed. "Crichton!"
Both hads snapped around.
"This has gone far enough. You need to quit fighting yourself and decide what to do about this situation. Is that understood?" Without waiting for a response, she turned and left.
Crichton settled into a chair. "Stop that."
"Stop what?" His twin asked, widening his eyes innocently. "Stop thinking about how hot she is."
Chrichton licked his lips. "Yeah, right- like you're gonna manage that. You can't even quit fighting with me long enough to work out a way to use this situation to our advantage."
Interest sparked in the vivid blue eyes. "How so?"
"C'mon, man- you know she's almost come around already. Think what she'd do with two of us."
Crichton cocked his head, considering. Two of him, working together- how could any woman resist? He grinned. "So what do you suggest, O fount of all wisdom?"
"It's like this..."
* * * * * * * *
Aeryn stalked through Moya's halls, more disturbed by the situation than she was willing to admit. One Crichton was bad enough. Would the ship and her crew survive having two of him aboard? More to the point, would *she?*
"Aeryn, wait up!"
Her back stiffened as she turned. Only one of him this time. "Yes, John? What is it?"
He caught up to her and smiled, with that guilty little boy look. "Look, Aeryn, I just wanted to apologize. It's kinda a shock, you know?"
"I can well imagine. But you must get over it, John."
"Oh, I think I have," he smiled. "We have, in fact. So... you wanna celebrate?" He moved in closer, sliding a hand behind her shoulders and up her neck. Aeryn tensed, automatically checking for observers. But the corridor was deserted. Almost against her will, her lips curved into a smile.
"And what, exactly, did you have in mind?"
"Oh, I dunno... I'm sure I could come up with something."
"And what of your double?" Seen close up, those blue eyes were even more compelling. Aeryn stroked his cheek lightly, encouraging him to come closer still. Their lips brushed, then pressed together urgently.
"He's off somewhere, up to something. Why? Would you rather be with him?"
Aeryn froze. Wait a minute here... what did she think she was doing? She pulled away abruptly. In her flustered state, she failed to notice the thinly veiled satisfaction in his eyes. "John- John, I can't do this, I just-"
She should have been suspicious when he let her go without argument. More, she should have been suspicious when she stole a backwards glance and found him grinning, thumbs tucked under his belt, with a look of anticipation. But she wasn't- she was just grateful to escape so easily. She dodged around a corner and sighed with relief. Safe. Maybe one day she'd sort out the complex tangle of emotions that threatened to strangle her around Crichton. Then again, maybe that was what she was so afraid of...
She jumped, then froze. The *other* Chrichton blocked the corridor ahead of her. "Yes? Is there something I can help you with?"
"Yeah, I've got this problem, you see..." He moved closer, that roguish grin back in place.
"Yes? What is it?"
"There's a little something about all that death and destruction, kinda makes me a little crazy, you know?"
Aeryn's control cracked enough to let out a real smile. "Crichton, you are *always* a little crazy. Why should the recent events make any difference?"
"Oh, I dunno," he said, easing a bit closer. "Maybe because there's two of me now?"
As if on cue, the other Crichton appeared around the corner behind her. Aeryn blinked. One Chrichton was hard enough to deal with, but two? And working together? Uh-oh...
"And maybe 'cause the two of me think you're the hottest thing we've laid eyes on? Ever?" The second Crichton closed in, neatly trapping her between two Johns.
"You say that all the time," she protested.
"Maybe because it's true?"
Then he was kissing her again- or was this the other one? No matter- there were more than two hands on her body now. Aeryn broke away, panting.
"What do you think you're doing?"
"Come on now, Aeryn," one of them chided, eyes sparkling. "You know you like it. What could be better than two of me?"
"Lots of things." She smoothed her rumpled clothing. Maybe this wasn't such a bad situation after all. In fact, she was beginning to see distinct possibilities here...
"Oh yeah? Name one." The other Chrichton grinned, then looked away, eyes widening in horror. Aeryn spun to face the new threat, but there was nothing there.
"Oh no you don't! Get your skanky ass outta here, you have no business here!"
"Why John, I'm surprised," Scorpius said with a smile. "Of course I have business here."
"Are you talking to Scorpius again?" Aeryn made a mental note of which Chrichton was seeing the clone. Perhaps that was the original John.
"Scorpie, get out of my head! You have got *very* bad timing." "On the contrary, John," the second Scorpius chimed in, "I have most excellent timing. The two of us are here to prevent the two of you from making a very big mistake."
Both Johns groaned and shook their heads. "Scorpie, the only mistake being made here is by you, okay? Now get lost!"
"There's two of them?" Aeryn asked, still searching for a glimpse of the clone- clones?- even thought she knew it was futile.
"Just what we needed- two Scorpies, to make life more interesting." "And what's worse is I think they're jealous."
"Jealous?" Aeryn gaped in amazement. The Scorpius clones, side by side, pouted.
"Now John, shame on you- why should we be jealous? After all, we're inside your heads."
One Chrichton laughed. "Yeah, and I kicked your ass not so long ago, too. You may be in my head, but there ain't a damn thing you can do to me anymore."
"Especially since there's two of me now. You wanna see if there's two dumpsters, too?"
"I don't want to go back in the dumpster!" one Scorpius complained, with a petulant pout. "I just think you're wasting time with this cold bitch."
"Hear that, Aeryn? He called you a cold bitch!"
"All right, that's about enough of this!" Aeryn snarled. "Scorpius- I want you out of this, now. I may not be able to see you, but I'll find a way to take care of you, so help me-"
"I'd do it, if I were you, Scorpie," John advised, with a smirk. "You think I'm mean? Wait 'til you see what happens when *she* gets pissed."
"And as for you-" she said, turning on one of the Chrichtons. "On your knees, now!"
"Yes, ma'am!" He dropped to the deck with a chuckle. "Always knew you had a kinky side, lurking under all that-"
"Quiet! Now, I can tell you apart- at least for the moment. Scorpius? Any arguments?"
The clones looked at each other, fidgeting. "Well? What do you think, Scorpius?"
"I don't know, Scorpius- perhaps this time we'd better bow out gracefully?"
"But then Chrichton will ignore us, in favor of this renegade Peacekeeper wench..."
"And what, realistically, can we do about that, eh? Perhaps we can discuss our options over margaritas and... John? What is acceptable to have with margaritas, since you object so strongly to pizza?"
Both Chrichtons groaned. "Scorpie, you can have whatever the frell you want with your margaritas, as long as you leave me the frell alone!"
One Scorpius sniffed. "Very well, then- shall we meet in your John's head, or mine?"
"Mine, I should think- he's got less of an attitude, at the moment..."
The two clones vanished, still griping at each other about the intolerable situation.
"Well, Aeryn?" the standing John asked. "What are you going to do with us now?"
"Is he gone?"
Aeryn surveyed the two identical men with a predatory smile. "And you'll do as I say?"
"Yes, ma'am!" the two said, in eager chorus.
"Very well, then- come along." She turned and resumed her interrupted course down the corridor, two Chrichtons trailing her like a doubled shadow.
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